u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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