how can u be prego again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
