You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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