I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
