if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
