OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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