You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
