finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
