My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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