Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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