I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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