Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
