Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
