is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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