Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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