I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
