According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Green mimosas i think yes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
