If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
