Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
