with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
