So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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