the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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