Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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