Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
