you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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