You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
