Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
