this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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