Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
