Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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