Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
