If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
