oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did i walk over a car last night?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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