i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
