What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
