He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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