Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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