so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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