so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
