he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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