dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
