He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
