i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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