evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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