if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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