Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
