we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
