i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
