Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
