Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
