Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
